Yesterday I told you how I felt the first time I heard about Pathological Demand Avoidance. I want to follow up on that some more today.
Like I said…at that time, there was only ONE book on the subject. And even that one was written by the professionals and geared more towards professionals…doctors, mental health types and teachers. It did have one chapter written specifically for parents with strategies for managing your child’s behaviors.
But as I said…the worst was the follow-up that they had done with some of the children as they got into their 20s. Only one had gone on to college. Most were still at home. Unemployed. And some had even gotten into legal trouble.
Two things to remember of course…this was a very small sample size…about 20 individuals. And at that time little was known about PDA and there was even less support for those families than there is now.
Even then…it was depressing. I was crying so hard at the end of that book. I FINALLY had my answer. The right glass slipper for PanKwake. But it was more of a water logged army boot that could drag her down for the rest of her life.
Anyone who knows me…knows I do NOT take anything lying down. I am not a survivor. I am a FIGHTER.
I think that this should be not just my theme song…but that of PDA itself…
So I did that night was I always do. I committed myself to being different. To giving my child a different future. I still remember the words I said…
Not PanKwake. That is not going to be my child. If I have to lay down my life, I will give her the best future possible.
And I was prepared to do just that…die. From stress perhaps. But the truth is…I have died and been resurrected.
Everything that I believed…that I thought I knew about raising children…about being a parent…all of it…
Even the traditional…accepted…advice and methods recommended by the ‘experts’ for managing autism.
Yes, there is some support out there now. The PDA Society has the right ideas…good strategies for managing and surviving Pathological Demand Avoidance.
But I did not want to just…
I wanted my child to THRIVE.
I wanted PanKwake to be HAPPY.
And that is what I have achieved in the past five years…a HAPPY, THRIVING little girl with a bright future.
Not just that…but despite all the little ways that I have died to myself…I too am happier.
My daughter…Pathological Demand Avoidance…has taught me more…grown me in ways I never imagined…and made me not just a better parent, but a better person.
This blog is the story of how we got from that dark place of fears and tears to this of thriving and happy.
I will warn you now…it is NOT easy. At times it will seem like nothing you do is working. That you and they are doomed.
The hardest part though is not managing your child’s Pathological Demand Avoidance but handling the extreme and unrealistic DEMANDS that society places upon us all…especially as parents.
When I spoke about dying…this is the biggest one. If you need to be liked…if you thrive upon the opinions of others…if being conventional or normal is important to you…
Then don’t bother reading any more. I cannot help you. Good luck and goddess bless you and your child.
But if you are willing as I was to do anything…try anything…die to yourself…to save your child. To give him or her the best possible future. If a few dark hours in the beginning is worth a lifetime of HAPPY…
Then I hope you will continue to follow this blog and our journey.
Because the truth…
You and your child CAN really…
LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH PDA!
Tomorrow we will jump right in…begin where I began…on this yellow brick road to Oz.