Almost forgotten what a ‘proper’ meltdown was like.
PanKwake gave us a reminder last night.
But that is fine. I realize, understand and accept that meltdowns are always going to be a part of her life…and ours.
I’ll be honest here, folks. If we take off our masks for a moment, we ALL have meltdowns. Yelling, screaming, throwing things sometimes kicking. Yes, even adults. (Well, maybe not Cookie Monster but he is perfect…lol).
Or we have shutdowns. Quiet, withdrawn, and internalizing all that pain and anger. Those I worry about more than meltdowns actually.
So what sat PanKwake off?
Fairness!
I have no idea (lol) where she would get this strange idea that this world ought be more just and fair. Not her advocate mother, surely?
But in addition to being a reminder of what a ‘real’ meltdown looks like, it was further confirmation that Radicool Unschooling and my unusual parenting style works.
You see PanKwake was upset because her friend Meow-Meow…another Pathological Demand Avoider…would not play the games that PanKwake wanted.
They met after our home ed swimming. We had not seen them since the Easter party. We do not get to see Meow-Meow very often because she is a schooler. And even on weekends she is just trying to recover from all the bullying, demands and pressures of school.
But she loves it here. For obvious reasons. Mainly the fact, we have only one rule in this house…
Don’t hurt yourself or anyone else!
(And if that is fuzzy…don’t SERIOUSLY hurt…and we don’t punish for it. We just reserve things like restraining to prevent it.)
Meow-Meow loves too the freedom and fun that are HomeCrazzyHome. No, folks, that is not just for PanKwake. It is for all.
But it is an all-you-can-eat buffet for Meow-Meow. On those rare occasions where she does visit, she NEEDS to be the center of attention…to have everything her way. And last night was no different.
And all PanKwake wanted/needed was to play Minecraft with her…just a bit. You see even in this meltdown, PanKwake did not lose her reasoning ability. She clearly communicated her displeasure.
Myth buster warning: PanKwake exhibited high levels of empathy!
She even said…I know Meow-Meow wanted to do her things, but I got to do none of the stuff I wanted. Even just a little would have been enough.
You see with Meow-Meow PanKwake really does get it. This child is bullied horribly in school. She has no friends there. PanKwake is her only one. So when she does bully PanKwake, my daughter just shrugs it off and explains…bullying is all she knows. That does not bother her.
But as she said…not getting to do ANYTHING she wanted…well, that would be a strain on us neurotypicals too.
I knew my daughter was justified…not that her meltdowns ever have to be justified…they are just a part of her autism. A teeny tiny part of her beautifully unique and different autistic brain.
So we did as always…we allowed our little volcano to blow. We kept back just far enough to make sure that she was safe…and watched the fireworks.
Then she retreated…afterwards all she ever wants is to be alone. This time in the tiny cupboard under the stairs…with her Billy. Until she was calm. Then she went to her bed for her YouTube.
But when PanKwake asked for potatoes in the middle of the night, she and I talked about it. She gets it. She knows it is not fair, but she does understand how Meow-Meow feels. She too knows what school is like…bullies and non-stop demands. Even after all these years, she remembers.
She was adamant though…Even just a little bit of what I want, Mommy.
That is more than fair enough in my eyes.
So as always…my job now becomes…making that happen for PanKwake. We will talk about how best to do that. Both she and I…and Meow-Meow and I…and the three of us if necessary.
At this point I am thinking perhaps do PanKwake’s thing first…get it out of the way…then she can focus on Meow-Meow. But I need to speak with them both.
Because I do believe….nothing to us or for us without us!
Even or especially parenting.
And yes…I still love everything about my child. Autism. PDA. Meltdowns. ALL!
I honestly find even meltdowns refreshingly honest in a world where we are conditioned and trained for dishonesty and masks from birth. I am glad that my child is not like that…that we are not like that.
Self-Directed Learning & Neurodiversity 