I am NOT an #AutismParent

I left another Facebook ‘support’ group for parents of #ActuallyAutistic little humans this weekend. That is the second one in a few months. The reason?

The group OWNER said sometimes she believed her Pathological Demand Avoidant (PDA) child was a PSYCHOPATH?

Let me be perfectly clear…

It is NOT ever appropriate to post such things to the internet.

Even in closed groups. A good hacker can easily find everything you have ever written…and exposed your words to your child.

Of course, maybe some parents don’t care? After all their child is #autistic, how much do they really understand anyway?

If I seem harsh, there is a reason…

I have had ENOUGH of #AutismParents to last me several lifetimes.

They are constantly online with the ‘poor me’ my life is so tough.

Bite me! Have you ever thought for one minute about how much tougher your child has it? About the intensity of sensory overload? Have you ever visited some place where you did not speak the language or understand what was going on around you? Imagine that…for your whole life! Then on top of that…she had YOU for a parent?!?!

But no, it is all about them.

They want empathy…but won’t give any to their child.

They are always looking for some cure…some therapy…some treatment that will make their child ‘normal’…no matter what it does to their child.

First of all…spend five minutes thinking about what ‘normal’ people have done to this world. Brexit? Trump? The environment? Bullying? Reality TV?

Why would you ever aspire to something so low?

But no, these selfish, self-centered people will not only spend thousands of £/$ on aversion and cognitive behavioral therapy…which by its very nature is NON-CONSENSUAL…they will impose unproven diets on their child…they will even give then BLEACH enemas!

Because there is nothing worse in this world than having an #ActuallyAutistic child!

They control ALL of the major autism charities/groups spreading their version of the ‘truth’…without significant input from the #ActuallyAutistic themselves.

Why? Because they have all those £/$ to spend/give. And bottom line that is what is most important to charities…$$$$ £££££.

As a result, there is very little research out there that looks at autism in adults. Despite it being a lifelong and life-altering brain difference. Why? Because it is not in the interest of parents….and parents have more ££££ $$$$$.

And researchers…drug companies…therapists…they are all in it for the $$$$ £££££.

These people pack out every single conference they can find by every famous ‘expert’ but would never think for one moment to ask their child about how autism feels to him.

Newsflash, folks…everyone’s autism is different. You have the best expert in the world right there…at your fingertips. Try LISTENING to what she says for a change. And guess what? It won’t even cost you ££££ or $$$$.

They talk about their #ActuallyAutistic child like she is sub-human…not just online…but to teachers, therapists, doctors, ‘support’ workers, family, and friends…right in front of their child.

Do you know that research is showing that a huge % of #ActuallyAutistic adults have thought about suicide? Low self-esteem.

Well, no-duh! If you spent your whole life listening to your parent go on and on and on about how tough you made their life, you might be too.

If I sound heartless, lacking in empathy, I am not.

Yes, I have no empathy whatsoever for #AutismParents.

None. Zip. Zero. Nunca. Nada. Not even a little bit.

I save all my empathy for their children.

Yes, but aren’t you an #Autism Parent? Surely you understand HOW TOUGH it is on these poor people? Government never doing enough. Schools failing them too. Always having to fight to get what they need. Don’t they deserve some compassion? Your support?

First of all…I  do NOT parent autism.

I parent a #HappilyAutistic, #ProudlyPDA child.

What’s more, all of the things that I do, the differing parenting style…working with my PDA young person…respecting her rights, needs, privacy, and body…giving her autonomy…lowering unrealistic expectations…all of that is just good parenting for ANY child. #Neurodivergent or #Neurotypical.

Secondly, yes, I do understand. And that is WHY I have no empathy.

• I have been up and down eight, nine, ten times all night long with Pankwake. I have finally just given up and faced the day on a couple of hours of ‘sleep’.
• I too have fought schools, doctors, and social workers…until I finally figured out that it is not worth it. That I can do more for my child with the energy that I spent on fighting them…than they could if I ‘won’.
• I have been the carnival side show…accused of bad parenting…when PanKwake melted down…less than ten feet from a busy London road. When I was forced to restrain her and got hit, kicked, and bitten in the process.
• I have gotten ‘stitches’ in my side from trying to run after her when she ‘eloped’. Doing my best to give her space to calm down but needing to keep her in my line of sight to know she was safe.
• I walk 1.8 miles home every week from the home ed playgroup…pushing a Maclaren Major buggy…up steep hills. Just so I can enable her social skills.
• I have spent as much £££ on sensory toys and her collections as many have on ABA.
• I have walked London streets pushing her in the buggy at 3 a.m. looking for THAT thing…the only thing that she will eat in that moment.
• We keep the cupboard…and a big chest freezer stocked with her ‘acceptable’ foods…just in case…and it is still that ONE thing we do not have that she wants.
• We have had to disarm her when she grabbed knives. And when I sought help from those ‘experts’…they turned on me. Investigated me…not the verbal abuse (from elsewhere) that pushed her to that.
• I have to buy just the right tops and knickers/panties and sew her skirts. She will only wear Crocs…no socks or trainers. And heaven help us if they stop manufacturing any of those.

I am sure I am forgetting loads of others…

So yeah, I know. I KNOW all of it. Exactly how it feels.

And I would NEVER call my child a psychopath. I do not now or have I ever ‘blamed’ her for ‘the tough life I have.’ Even when I was doing it all by myself as a single Mom…on benefits…in a foreign country whose system I did not understand…the only thing I thought about was…

PanKwake!

How much tougher all of this must be on her. How hard all these challenges must be on her. How to build her self-esteem. Make her life better. Yes, even at the expense of my own.

Because, folks, THAT is what PARENTS do.

They put their child first, last, and always!

Autistic…neurotypical…or anything else.

Her is a huge secret, folks…

It AIN’T F-ing about YOU! It is about them…and their needs.

I would say…rant over…but that would be a lie. This one will never be over. I will come back to this same topic over and over again. And if it hits a nerve with you…too damned bad…either grow up and change or unfollow/unfriend me. Simples.