I hate when what I write is prophetic. But yesterday’s obviously was. Both, Cookie Monster and I, have been up much of the night. So forgive me if I ramble or don’t make much sense.
But it is a good example to begin the next part of Acceptance…
Recognizing a process or condition.
As we talked about sleep disturbance is just one of those ‘realities of a situation’ that we talked about yesterday which comes with autism…at least with PanKwake.
As part of that Deep Understanding we talked about, conversations with #ActuallyAutistic adults have pointed out that for many of them sleep disturbance is the result of not being able to quiet their minds. PanKwake herself has often said as much…
My body is tired but my brain won’t let me sleep.
That is something I get…can have true empathy for…as I too just cannot switch off my mind when I lay down in bed. For me, I read…mindless, trashy romances…not something that is deep and requires more thought. For PanKwake, she watches her YouTube videos. Same thing…mindless distractions.
Last night though, I could have or should have been able to predict this one. You see one of her favorite games came out with an update, an extension pack. Just before midnight. She did give it a valiant effort to stay awake but failed around 9 p.m. Then just before 3 a.m. she was up again…and ready to play it.
Of course, this meant that I had to update everything. I got it slightly wrong. Well, not so much wrong…as there was a techie trick to do that I did not know. So of course, Mister Techie Genius himself had to get up and straighten things out for her…at 4 a.m. Something I try my best to avoid.
Thing is that by knowing not just the ‘facts’ from ‘experts’ about sleep disturbance…but the whys from #ActuallyAutistic…listening to PanKwake herself…AND looking for her patterns of behavior over the years, I can often (though not always) predict things.
That…recognizing a process…
And by recognizing it…it makes being up and down for two hours during the middle of the night…more bearable somehow.
I can see how important that game was to her. How she had been waiting for weeks…actually a couple of months for it. How she had already planned in her little head the things that she wanted to do with it…create an online version of Little Miss Fluffy Paws, her cat…and cross-breed a pug and a husky.
Yes, I did say a huge ole’ husky and a teeny tiny pug. We had even discussed why that might not work in the real world. To which she pointed out…genetic engineering. But obviously, the cyber world does not always follow the same rules. Interesting to note though that the outcomes of her experiment even in the game…were not very appealing.
If you hear pride in my voice…even through the sleep deprivation…then you get it. You are beginning to see what the realities of ACCEPTANCE can bring to not only your child, but yourself…and even your partner/family. At least, the good/right ones.
Though coming to bed after midnight (Cookie Monster works from home. Yes, computers. And on international schedule with late meetings), only to be woken at 4 a.m. is not top of his list. He too gets it. He understands her mind. PanKwake says…
Cookie gets me cause his mind works like mine.
My friend too has pointed out that at times he is even better than I am at working out those patterns…those processes.
Which, of course, makes that final piece of the ACCEPTANCE puzzle…
without attempting to change it or protest it…
Just fall magically into place.
But I have loads to say on that one…LOADS…so I’ll stop here for now.