Our Journey Into UnConditional Love…
As the last of my six offspring, this is another one that I did not really struggle with. Once I have deep understanding…Acceptance and Unconditional Love just seem to happen honestly.
I will say this…and I do to my adult offspring…
If you are not prepared and ready to Unconditionally Love whatever child you have…then don’t have them.
I think that it is that Expectation…that belief that little humans are tabula rasa…a blank slate upon which we can write what we want…that is the underlying issue with most parenting theories.
If you notice me calling children ‘little humans’ a lot…that is the reason. The recognition that they are their own little people with thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and rights all their own.
They are not slaves…or indentured. I do not own them for 16 or 18 years.
I do not have rights to them.
I do not have a obligation to society to enslave them to its tenants.
I do though accept a responsibility to provide what they need…keep them relatively safe…and LOVE them…UNCONDITIONALLY.
Yes…I put my money and time where my mouth is too. As some of my friend know a few months ago, I started having joint pain. This summer it got really bad. I was spending a day sometimes two each week in bed.
My saving grace during that time was what is called…Spoon Theory.
Basically, you think of your energy level as spoons. Some days you have more spoons and others you have less. Life becomes about knowing how many spoons you have that day and balancing your expenditure of spoons with your supply.
Back to that Deep Understanding…Spoon Theory was an ah-ha/light bulb moment for me. When I heard about it, for the first time ever, I truly understood why PanKwake could not get her own glass of water at 2 AM. She had used up all her spoons for the day…doing other things. She really could NOT do it. Not lazy. Not spoiled. She could NOT.
But now with this joint pain…we were faced with balancing two sets of spoons. I had to always keep a reserve of my own…just in case she needed me. And she honestly did her best too. Lack of empathy is one of those ridiculous #AutismMyths.
The doctors never did discover what is causing the pain. And for months, it got better. But now it is worsening once more. Last night was pretty bad.
To top it off…PanKwake has a new ‘approved’ food. Chocolate Birthday Cake PIE! Yes, you did read that right…Chocolate – Birthday Cake – Pie. A chocolate birthday cake…inside a pie shell, topped with icing. It is neither quick nor easy to make.
Wouldn’t you know it…she just had to have one…LAST NIGHT.
It was the only thing she wanted to eat. She would starve.
So, I made her one. It was honestly a labor of #UnconditionalLove.
First of all, breaking the butter into tiny clumps and working them through the flour until the mixture is like damp sand…barely sticking together…my fingers ached.
Then I had to roll the dough and put into the pie pan…crimping it around the edges was another pain…quite literally.
But the hardest part was yet to come…breaking the blocks of chocolate into small pieces for melting…I almost cried.
The whole process took about three hours. Three hours during which I could not go to sleep.
Then when it was finished and iced…I cut a piece for her. She was not happy. The pie crust flaked apart on the bottom. So, Cookie ate that piece and I carefully cut and removed another piece from the pan. Nope…this time the cake crumbled too quickly.
At this point, I am exhausted and in pain. Cookie is in the kitchen with me…we are doing our best to laugh…more about that one soon.
The only thing I can think to do is put it in the fridge…maybe it was still too warm and that was why it crumbled. I am already two steps ahead of the game…thinking that I do not have any more block or powdered chocolate in the house. I am foreseeing another late night run to Tesco in town. Another round trip taxi.
I tell him…
I know she is due for a meltdown. Overdue in fact. It is just…NOW?!?!
But I must have done something good…because Fate and the goddess shone upon me. First of all, she understood that I was doing all I could…and it would take time. She is getting much better with those ‘IMPOSSIBLE’ meltdowns we talked about. So she held it together.
And miracles…when she did call for more…it held together this time. She happily ate it.
And our world at #HomeCrazzyHome was good.
You see…sometimes at #HomeCrazzyHome…UnConditionalLove looks a lot like…Chocolate Birthday Cake Pie…sometimes like Dominos pepperoni pizza…sometimes like SIMS cats & dogs expansion packs…and sometimes it even looks like…water guns at dawn!
Oh, the last thing I want to share is…once you understand and accept this thing called UnConditional Love…it is not just for your #autistic little human. It growns and expands…to your partner…your other little humans…your friends. It spreads like wildfire.
You stop resenting all the things you do for other people…and even in those difficult times you have peace and joy.